5/30/16

Got up. Had breakfast. Drove to the school. White sky.

The Night Patrol was swarming the building when I arrived. Someone had trashed the Chess Society HQ. I felt bad for the poor little dweebs. The mess was horrific. Probably the worst mess I've ever laid eyes on. Still scrubbing egg yolk off the walls.

5/29/16

The usual nothing. Time passes, passes, passes.

5/26/16

Got up. Had breakfast. White sky.

Drove to the school. No mess, nothing to do. Nobody looks my way.

Drove home. Watched TV. Mind swimming.

5/25/16

Woke up. Had breakfast. The sky was an evil dark.

Got to school. Lots of sweeping work to be done. All the while I was daydreaming. When I get a new cat, I think I'll call it Ratsnatcher. I sneered at the laughing kids and they looked annoyed.

Drove home. Ate an enormous amount of food for dinner, then waddled into bed like a penguin.

5/24/16

Got up. Had breakfast (toast). Drove to the school. The sun was a weak sliver on the hill.

Bumped into the principal, who didn't acknowledge it. Ice cream was served at lunch, so there was tons of mess.

When I got home, a rat was scribbling about in my trash can outdoors. I might get a new cat after all. Watched TV. Lots of murder on the news today.

5/23/16

Monday. Got up, got dressed, had breakfast. I'll save money now without a pet. Drove to work without the radio.

Got to school. Laughing kids, messes everywhere. Everything was gross.

Got home. Put the TV on. Watched it for a while, then buried the cat deep in the backyard.

5/22/16

The cat died suddenly today. I was not prepared. I didn't go to church because there was no point. I sat around the house all day and I realized that it didn't feel much quieter. I probably won't bother with another pet. The sky was white and smooth. I wish I could call in sick tomorrow but I used my sick days up last week.

5/21/16

Woke up. The cat was retching. It looked miserable. My heart sank.

Passed the day watching the cat. The whole world spun around without me.

5/20/16

Friday. The weekends barely excite me anymore. It seems like a waste of time not to work.

Got up, had a rushed breakfast. Went to the school. Small mess in the gym, nothing too time consuming. As there was nothing else to do, I lurked around the gym area for a while. I watched the students come and go dressed in gym uniforms. They looked dirty.

I felt for the little skinny kids who looked out of place, but I don't relate. When I was in high school I was in great shape. I used to be able to lift huge weights. It never made me any friends; people thought that because I was strong and quiet that I must be stupid.

I nodded at one of the little skinny kids in spite of myself. He nodded back. I recognized him from the Chess Society. I am fond of those kids; they keep a tidy meeting room.

Went home. Attempted a nap. Ate dinner. Pet the cat. TV.

5/19/16

Got up and felt much better. Had breakfast (toast). Pet the cat. Drove to the school. The sky was a hospital white, appropriately.

When I got to MHS, the place looked spotless. Whoever was covering for me did a terrific job. It occurred to me that were I to die, it would actually inconvenience nobody.

Walked around trying to look busy but there was nothing to do. The students kept their heads down. I locked myself in one of the teacher bathrooms and sat for almost an hour.

Went home. Too sad to watch TV or pet the cat. Went to bed.

5/18/16

Woke up feeling the same. My whole body is weak and feverish. I want to die. Disease is such a merciless thing. I crawl downstairs and try to force down some food but nothing is appetizing. The cat watches me curiously.

I call in sick again and hope I don't get chastised. Other janitors hate covering shifts, especially last minute.

Watched TV all day but didn't pay attention. Something about the world has never sat right with me. Too many people seem accidental. When I die, would I rather the world be a better place or worse?

5/17/16

Woke up in utter misery. My stomach feels like something is fighting to break out of it. I call in sick. Almost all morning I kneel on the bathroom floor, my head in the toilet. I keep trying to make myself puke but nothing will come. I try and try, straining so hard that the blood vessels in my face feel monstrously engorged. But nothing ever happens to me.

In the evening my stomach is feeling a little better. I make myself some tea, wrap myself in a blanket, and sit by the window. I am shocked to see a crowd of 10 or so people having a candlelight vigil on my neighbor's lawn. How could that woman have been so popular? The people begin to hum together and my sickness returns. I wander upstairs and shut the lights off.

5/16/16

Back to the old grind. Got up, had breakfast (eggs). Pet the cat. Drove to the school. The sky is white as a countertop.

As I make my rounds I look at some of the students and they look back. Almost every day some group of students will ogle at me and laugh to each other. I wonder if my quiet demeanor is frightening to them, and they laugh as a coping mechanism. Only the losers ignore me.

Someone got sick again, this time on the bathroom floor. I wipe it up with a dirty look.

Drove home. Pet the cat. TV, then sleep.

5/15/16

Got up. No sign of life from the neighbors house. Pet the cat, had breakfast. Decided to go to church. The sky is moldy looking.

At church I discover that my neighbor died. A picture of her head stands at the front entrance wreathed in flower chains. The priest gives a short sermon about mortality and mentions what a kind woman my neighbor was.

At night I watch TV and try to forget about the day. I can almost hear my neighbor's ghost laughing at me from hell.

5/14/16

Saturday. Slept in. Got up. Pet the cat. Had breakfast (whole wheat toast). Still no sign of life from the neighbors house. It occurs to me that she may not be back for a while, at least not another day. Inspiration comes to me and I vow to solve the weed problem with the freedom that I have now.

Spent the next few hours doing what I could to salvage the travesty that is my neighbor's lawn. Pulled up a healthy amount of weed and doused the place in Roundup. Got home hot and tired. Took a shower. Laid on the couch for hours, listening to the cat pace to and fro. Though satisfied, part of me can't believe I wasted a whole day's worth of energy picking up for a miserable stranger who won't even care. Story of my life, I guess.

5/13/16

Friday. Woke up. No sign of life from my neighbors house. If she dies my life will only become more confusing. I will not know how to feel and even though she was the cause of the weed problems, they will not get any better with her gone. My neighbor is so useless that if she died nothing would change. I take small consolation in the fact that if I died, it would inconvenience a great many people.

Drove to the school. The floors looked extra shiny. I guess the night janitor must be using a new shellac; that or there's a new night janitor.

Drove home. Watched TV, pet the cat, and kept peering over at my neighbor's house to see if anything new was happening. No lights on.

5/12/16

Woke up to the sound of bustling outside. Saw my fat neighbor getting hauled onto a stretcher and taken away by an ambulance, wearing the usual muumuu. I don't know how I should feel about this. Even the cat had a puzzled look on his face.

Drove to the school. Picked up a failed quiz and ripped it into pieces for some reason. I never wanted to grow up to be unsettling but I have a strong feeling that I am.

Drove home. Watched the news. Another student missing.

5/11/16

Got up. Had breakfast. Had a cup of coffee that made me sleepier. Pet the cat.

The school seemed quieter than usual, like a spell had been cast. No mess no matter where I looked.

When I got home the sky was warm pink.

5/10/16

Woke up. Almost slept in. I was inordinately tired. Ate breakfast (toast).

Drove to the school. Kept nodding asleep where I stood. A group of people laughed because I was falling asleep on the mop handle. When I looked up and stared at them they laughed harder.

Went home. It smelled like cleaning spray; I thought it was strange it should, then I realized it was me.

5/9/16

Woke up. The start of a new week. Pet the cat, had breakfast. Drove to the school. Outside my window, I could see a murder cloud seething in the white sky.

No unusual mess today. Found a love note: it was pink and for a boy. I never read the love notes but I read this one. Felt sick.

Drove home. TV for hours. Pet the cat.

5/8/16

Woke up. I usually don't go to church but I go today because I think I might see my neighbor there and be able to confront her. The sky is black as midnight, rain on the horizon.

The sermon is about the missing kids at Middleton. It's a sad speech without much of a message. I can sense that people are hurting around me. The gloom in this town is like a throbbing radio wave giving everybody headaches.

My fat neighbor is in attendance, dressed in the usual muumuu. I glare at her through most of the sermon but she keeps her eyes glued to the priest. All the while I grip the wooden lip of the bench in front of me and pretend that it's her neck. But when church is over, even though it takes her an inordinately long time to rise and exit, I don't confront her. For some reason I was born incapable of acting at the opportune moment.

5/7/16

Tried to sleep in today but it was impossible; I was too angry thinking about my neighbor. I don't know what to do exactly; revenge often feels like a made-up concept.

Got up and fed the cat, fed myself. In a fit of annoyance, I tossed a rat carcass through my window and into my fat neighbor's lawn. I doubt she'll ever see it.

Would have gone for a walk but am too afraid of allergies. Pollen is high today. The sun is beating down with a vengeance.

Feel the need to do something to my neighbor. The impulse is like a dark wave surging onto the shore.

5/6/16

Woke up. Friday today, thank God. Skipped breakfast.

Got to the school and someone had puked in a garbage can. The smell was revolting to me, and it made me angry. I looked at everyone accusingly. It could have been any one of them.

Went home. Watched the news. The news doesn't depress me. And I'm not scared of Trump.

5/5/16

Woke up. Had breakfast. Pet the cat. White sky.

I've been having neighbor troubles as of late. The woman next door refuses to tend her front lawn and weeds are spreading into mine. I've asked her repeatedly to take care of it but nothing seems to work. She's quite overweight; I assume this has something to do with it.

Went to school. No mess. Tasked with replenishing the urinal cakes.

Nobody has ever known what I want to do with the urinal cakes but I will tell you: ever since I was a little boy I've been quite obsessed with looking at them, and I have recurrent fantasies of eating one.

Went to bed early. No TV.

5/4/16

Got up. Made breakfast (eggs today). Black sky. Cat was restless. I was restless. The cat brought me a mouse it had killed; I could see its entrails through an open stripe in the flesh.

Drove to school. The sky was like a big slug, threatening to engulf the whole world.

Flowers don't grow right in the yard around the school but that's not my job. Kids laughed at me more than usual today. I kept my head down. No unusual messes.

5/3/16

Woke up. Black sky. Sound of rain in the distance. The cat was nervous. Toast for breakfast. Fantasy sense of something dead approaching.

Big mess in the hall (someone forgot to sweep up a pile of discarded papers). Didn't look at them, just threw them away. I hate the night janitor, though I've never met him.

Didn't watch TV last night. Would have cleaned the house but I don't like to bring work home.

5/2/16

Got up. Had breakfast. Fed the cat. Went outside. It was cold. The sun was a weak sliver on the hill (again). The wind was silent but persistent. 

Got to the school. Seemed quieter than usual. A few papers scattered on the ground. I picked them up. They were the remains of a history essay on the Middleton Cheerleader Trials. The essay had got a B-. I didn't read the pages beyond the title. 

Swept through the bathrooms. Toilets are clean thankfully. Can't wait until it's time to change the urinal cakes; that will be something.

Lunch was a tuna sandwich and a carton of milk. I accidentally stared at a girl and she stared back and laughed. That night I was too tired to watch TV.

5/1/16

Got up. Had breakfast (whole wheat toast). Fed the cat. Brushed my teeth and hair. Went outside. Cold this morning. The sun was a weak sliver on the hill. Walked around. Tended to the garden. Saw a squirrel skittering up a tree. Ate lunch (tuna fish sandwich). Pet the cat. Watched a movie (not bad).